The Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."