Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading entertainers devoted the evening criticizing President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, called the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday jingle about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, requiring significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll ratings during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.