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This year signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {